The Art of being a Scumbag Lesson 2

Okay so we have covered the basics of being scummy....but let us review.

How to point out a scumbag:

• Lack of Hygiene
• Dirty Workspace
• Poor Preformance
• Bad Attitude

Not an all inclusive list however if you see these characteristics beware you coworker...he may attempt to pull a scummy maneuver on you..

My favorite way to be a scumbag is somewhere between Poor Performance and Bad Attitude....I enjoy being rude to people I don't like and people I don't have to like, especially if they are dumb.
But also my favorite mark to leave behind for my coworkers are scummy little notes on prepared food.
In the food industry we use little stickers they have a place to write the item name, date, employee and the last one is "Used by"....this is my place to step in a leave a comment or a little picture. At first I was satisfied by writing "Used by Prawns"...but I have had to become more imaginative.

Another scummy maneuver is to remove all soda glasses from the line and surrounding area...and dispose of them properly. 

I have been unemployed for a week now...

And life is feeling a bit warmer...I was getting worried for a while I would never stop hating on everyone I saw having fun. I can even now have conversation with people that don't matter without losing my temper. Baby steps back to humanity....

Ive been applying for a multitude of jobs...and all I have gotten in response is bad news.

I'm churning out ideas...and soon I will be able to supplement my income.

Mr. Chef you are more than happy to jump on the train once she gets set into motion.

Another lesson in "scumbagging" will appear shortly.

It feels like I just graduated college or something...one job down one to go.

Today was my final eight hour shift at a kitchen in Ames...Wednesdays are generally pretty low key and uneventful...or so I thought.
This morning started as it usually did...I show up at 9am and do hardly anything until our first customer arrives. If the closers from the night before didn't scumbag me of course....if there has been some scumming then the morning is a busy time...anyhow
The first people to arrive happen to be a 15 top...no bigger, yesterday it was a 50 top. Then a few college kids sit up at the bar and I sneak out to ask what they want before the 15 orders....no reply so I shrug and go back to the dungeon.
A few tables later I am a little sweaty and made a small mess...my last day on the job I am continuously thinking about making a massive and endless mess. As I am lost in thought about throwing a lot of ice into a hot fryer the health inspector walks into the kitchen. In that instant I am torn between grabbing raw meat and throwing it everywhere or putting on gloves and acting appropriately. This is a difficult choice because I really....really want to throw ice in the fryer but that would get my kitchen shut down and me fired, oh wait I quit....but other people depend on the restaurant as a means to an end so....I put gloves on.
Four slow hours later I punch out for the last time and ride the elevator down to the basement and I get in my car. I saw one last goodbye to my kitchen and I never look back.

Except on Friday of course when we get paid!!

In the kitchen there are many arts to learn...this one is "Scumbag"

Sometimes then you are working hard for the money (and I'm sure this happens everywhere)...you will get stressed at some point, usually because of a lazy employee, and have a small breakdown. This is the point where the art of a scumbag comes in to play. I even like to refer to it as simply "scumbaging someone" or perhaps "what a scummy move".
This art is very delicate and must always be done with the utmost discretion. Once you get the hang of the game you will defiantly appreciate the reaction you get from your superiors or co-workers. At this point I must remind everyone I just learned this art from a dedicated workplace somewhere in Ames Iowa. One of these bar restaurant places that try to crank food out like burger king.

Scumbag maneuvers usually refer to a stocking or rotating problem. It is usually something the night crew will do to the morning crew and then in return the morning will leave the kitchen a mess and empty for the night crew.
It is unfortunate that I am usually part of the morning crew and my discipline would keep me on task....however I got over that after a while.
Ex.
Some prawn purposefully leaves something empty on the front line that will be most likley needed first thing in the morning.
In on kitchen that may be cooked bacon strips
In another kitchen it cold be mixed lettuce
Either way something like that if not caught quick enough would be scummy.

Anyhow that would be the first lesson in the art of scumming. It is not always some prawns fault, however negligence is not an excuse.

My last days in the kitchen

Well graduation weekend was the last difficult weekend for most kitchens in Ames Iowa...that weekend was a little stressful but everything went pretty smoothly. I finally got to work the center aka "Driving the Bus" for the whole weekend and my voice was gone by Monday.

I though I was done after Monday morning, but that was not the case I had three more shifts that would drag me almost to the grave. Monday usually goes just fine because I get to work with my friend and Kitchen manager...we mess around a bit but usually get plenty done. Last Monday however that was just not the case...My second to last shift at the pub was slow and boring. The house just drug on forever it seemed....

and then my Legends shift all day on Tuesday came and that is when I knew there was no escape....50 people decided lunch was a good idea at Legends Tuesday morning promptly at ....12:30-ish. They decided to order almost entirely salads which was a bad and a good thing. I had some help from the KM with the party but then he dipped out....begging me to get some prep done that day.

My second to last shift at Legends in a blistering hot kitchen....and I have to slice tomatoes one last time. Fine

Wednesday morning....finally the day of my last shift has arrived! Only 8 slow and arduous hours of doing nothing until I am finally free!!! Unless of course people inevitably begin to show up and continuously ruin my day....smaller party today only 13....I can handle that by myself no problem.

5pm finally arrives and I punch out for the last time at Legends..

Thursday night....finally my last night at WTP and what news do I get not 30 minutes into my shift. The owner decided I am not trustworthy enough to close the kitchen on my last night so his poor step son Cannot has to stay the whole night....this news is both good and bad. I wanted to leave the kitchen a mess when I left that last night, but the whole ordeal is truly not worth my time...

And finally Friday come ...a last little bit of work to do today.

Collect Money!! whoop whoop
the fruits of my labor always come up short however...and the oblivion rages on

Five hours to go...and one more shift

Tonight was a little stressful and frustrating but all things considered everything went well. However there seems to be this bad idea about restaurants in Ames being similar to burger king and Mc Donalds...only these higher class establishments sell liquor as well...

If you want a terrible burger made the way you like it please save me the trouble and go to a drive through. Everyone knows you don't want to spend the money...I am getting off topic


Five more hours until I hit overtime. Tonight I clocked out at 75 even...which is a little odd but cool. I have one more shift tomorrow scheduled for five hours...but I may have to show up early. Tomorrow is mothers day..and in the life of a prawn that doesn't change anything. Burgers will always need to be cooked...and vegetables will always need to be portioned.

I cannot wait until I have a kitchen of my own...where opinions will be welcomed and everyone will feel respected and comfortable.

Everything looks nice at the top of the hill...

When I say prawn I am not talking shrimp...but I am talking prawn as in "Get away from me prawn" ...here is when I use a visual to of a real prawn

This is the prawn that began the whole "Prawn" movement.

The whole joke started off with the movie "District 9" and a crazy chef I like to refer to as squeeks or stinks. He would always roll through the kitchen "hey girl" this and "yooo man" that. Anyhow we got to joking around calling kitchen work a prawns life because in the movie no one had any respect for the prawns....there were a few other analogies but the main point was no one wanted to get close to a prawn because they were dirty ugly creatures at the bottom of the food chain....

The title refers to the natural flow from order to disorder....everything looks nice at the top of the hill where all our awesome customers sit and eat. Customers....what a joke, at best they are wild animals that stick in flocks and packs. Customers....the very same people that read through the menu decide it has nothing good and try and make something different that would be better. Endless food mods...at some point I want to throw all the menus in the garbage...they serve us no purpose anymore except to give our customers an idea of a good dinner....

These chains are those I chose for myself

There is something to be said about hard work and the character built because of the struggle...
However there is plenty to be taken into consideration...
Everyone seems to think I put myself in the position willingly...that was true but the job I signed up for was only to be a chef.
What I have to do is much worse...and enduring some conditions begin to ware and tear. The prawn is pushed to its limits more often than not.

Soo what exactly is a Prawn...

Okay so what exactly is a prawn?

A prawn is the lowest level of scum sucker. We the prawns are the outcast of society and generally we stick to the shadows. The best place to find some good prawns is in the back of any decent restaurant. The prawns cook the food, prep the menu and clean everything in sight....always cleaning and always prepping. There truly ain't no rest for the wicked... The prawns are responsible for literally everything that goes on in a restaurant especially when something goes wrong.   

What is a Prawn?

Have you ever worked in the Food Industry?



The food industry is a complex, global collective of diverse businesses that together supply much of the food energy consumed by the world population. Only subsistence farmers, those who survive on what they grow, can be considered outside of the scope of the modern food industry.

There are many levels of involvement in the food industry...a prawn are those of us who do all the leg work. The prawns are the countless chefs and line cooks who put together your meals every day every night.

It seems the only people who know how to act in a restaurant are those of us who have already worked in a kitchen before. We the prawns give up our weekends....we the prawns cut and prep endlessly so you and your selfish friends can make a mess and cause a ruckus.